First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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