Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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