you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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