I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
