WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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