He is an equal opportunity slut.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
