Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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