I don't remember. Are we still dating?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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