My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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