he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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