tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
whose parrot is this?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
