i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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