do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
