The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
