hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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