Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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