I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
