Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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