she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
