I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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