I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
