Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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