I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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