I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
