So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
