You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
