he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
