My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.