I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach