Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...