so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.