Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(848): View more from New Jersey

life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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(214): View more from Texas

someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

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(561): View more from Florida

If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(704): View more from North Carolina

the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.

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(562): View more from California

I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

(562): View more from California

And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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(281): View more from Texas

Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?

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