They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini