Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious