In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you