What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
