dude i'm inner monologue high
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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