youre lurking in front of me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
