I don't think brook has ever known best
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
