i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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