thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
