You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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