don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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