I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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