Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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