before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
