My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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