North Korea, Best Korea!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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