Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
