So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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