I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
