I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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