I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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