Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
