we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize