Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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