her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did I show you my penis last night?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
