oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
