You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
