i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
