oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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