that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
