Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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