Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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