Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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