ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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