he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped