Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story