Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.