32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.