I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?