you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.