you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".