Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
