we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How many fucks given?