are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
