Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
