You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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