I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
