dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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