I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
