the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
