Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
