so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
