You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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