My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
