Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
