i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
