You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
