Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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