I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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