Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I believe in your delicious
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
