to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
