Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
