my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Boobs speak an international language.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
