Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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