I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
