Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
