If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to cum in my sink.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
