so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize