WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
