a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're making bets on your personal life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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