It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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