So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
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So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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