when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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