guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do herpes really smell.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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