Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
