I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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