im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
