Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
